The Collaboration of Affairs
by RDK

      Sitting in my car, my friend hopped in for another low down day. Yet, on the ride, it became plainly obvious that there was a big call within the world for a weather change. The things I was occupying myself with in the current moment involved far too little motivation for actual action in the world to do something exciting, new, and intentionally perfect. In the start, it looked like things in the world could be held in the way they were at the moment, at least for a little bit longer, when hopefully, things would swing back in my direction. I would like to take a break to explain that I am not one of the guys who believes that all of the magnificence and sparkle and existence within order in this world lay themselves out for everyone to take right away. Not only that, but sometimes lack of attention has more than one meaning to the world; it could leave the world wondering if you really deserve what you intend to get, but never questions it if you reach it; and worse off the world could collaborate to bring the multiple tensions of resentment to the sky and have it become much more alien to the world.

      Anyway I see it, I am not trying hard enough.
The only pitfall to this thinking is that I blame the world for the way it treats me as well. This is a self caused circle. And not only that, but in the face of adversary, I blame the adversary for the problems I am starting to tantamount. Anyhow, it seems that a normal person like me, Hippocratic from my original oaths toward free market, demand, and the real experience of life finds myself in something worse than a state of a pickle. Instead, I find that what I have focused myself on gives too much of myself to the world without allowing myself to be a part of my own experiences within the places I would like. It may seem like this is tragic, but in entirety, it makes sense that effort in this day and age can be much more romantic than one depicts.
      Throughout this experience, it seems that there have been many more than one instance to make something real with myself, but instead, I chose to exclude myself from the experience, in retrospect, wondering if I deserve the memories which I do not now possess in entirety.
      The world holds much more judgment than I had expected, and in such there is a little conundrum that one may not have expected. Within the oversimplification of the matter, the essence of life is sucked out of the situation, and it leaves people wondering if haste can sometimes bring too much too early.

      I looking at the world logically could not accept that this was the right path to take, even if it did extend my life and its experience. Instead, I thought that if the emotion of the world was good in itself, I would have been motivated to follow it. With this in mind, however, looking back it’s too late to change any of the existing fragments of the world, and I will always be.
      The only thing I have to look forward to at the moment with guarantee is that if I put all the effort I want into certain subjects, I will be able to prosper in self respect and chivalry with the emotions and things that exist in the world outside of the people. It seems that this world has become too trapped with society in the level of intellect. Instead of fostering it with the idea that people need time and respect to learn that which the people know, they say, “tough luck” and realize that everything in life is encompassed in the thoughts that they have, and they will only pass it on to those who wish to be a part and respect what they do.
      A little absent condescend on my part is that these people are willing to drag everyone along with them with the empty mind of instant gratification and churning knowledge in order to condescend on the person’s weakest link to society.

Instead, as a twenty year old boy, I decided that it was not worth putting my effort of totality into a place that did not respect me or the motives and ideas I wished to bring to the table. I decided to wait the time out and see if anyone whom loved me at one time would love me in the end. This joke lasted much longer that than I expect, and I do not expect any trap doors or secret escapes from the madness, only a long hard walk toward the future where I can have the quiet dignity that not all of my character is to be attacked. The only conundrum is if the discrepancy between the world and mine are two conflicting thoughts brings any truth to anything about the world, or if the only thing I can do is put my piece in a place where it will be respected outside. This conundrum holds my morals and ambition in a vice where they are not hounded or helped by outside source, and only allows self reflection and the moment to confer and idealize my reason. It leaves me wondering if I will catch the last grasp of life and alter myself to the reality in order to make my life without this Hypocrisy.

      I know that I will act without this Hypocrisy, but I also know that time itself does not allow people to act however they choose and still get the things they deserve. Instead, time pulls away the possibility and emotional strength of the original intention in which you find yourself in. Of course, my emotions have always been my own, but my thoughts have never. People all my life have wished and hoped to read my thoughts, leaving only sanctitude in emotion, and that is where I hide in the moment, pleased to a very fine degree, but not always in such a state. In my degree of wishes, I only found myself angry with the injustice I saw with the three wish system and the effect it can have on one individual as the world powers group against one. It is in no doubt that my adept ways of thinking brought me to far more success than one could have imagined in this world, bringing the resentment that people find, and it will not be a quick way out as the reader will find out in a moment. As myself, I always dreamed that I would some time have the chance to have a white wedding, found myself disappointed in myself. Instead of making everything I could in the moment, I expected the world to understand that my strength and action was not always directed correctly, and in times I felt they could be, I was left myself without ambition. Instead of seizing the time when it was necessary, I did not, expecting much more time at hand. And when I found there was not enough, I still find myself in the conundrum that I do not seem to care enough to continue forward with myself in order to fit the situation that I want eventually end myself in. In the second hand, I once again find myself wondering whether the world is worth involving me in during certain levels. The only thing I can say for sure is that my wishes and hopes benefit the small group or the person who does not want control from the masses or the tyrant. That is where my hopes and wishes found a home, and allowed me to continue my life with less decent that some people thought. Instead of appreciating my spirit to wait in order to solve the problem correctly, it seems that the world only thought that it was beneficial for itself and was foolish for one person’s wish.

      The thing is that, during my experience, something amazing was happening on one level. For example, in my trip through the road, I realized that I had spoken to God, and was again marching toward the knowledge again, in the form of two dark faces among the leaves, giving me nothing but facial expression in order to confer my thoughts and all, which I pushed up there with a gentle but firm energy to consolidate all I have done and my future in one more frame for safe keeping.
      In this result, God once again tempted me with the ability to use my powers of lackadaisical force to change the world to my benefit. In such, I thought back to all of the things that I had seen, knowing that I do the power to kill people with my sword and blast people away with my energy collected from the world and myself. In such, I decided that it was not the kind of life I wanted within this world because it excludes me from the experience and does not leave people appreciating me, seeing things from a far. Maybe it would be best if my enemy picked up a bow and started firing on my from afar hitting me with the reality of the situation, but the world does not call for enemies to anyone, instead one must create something that is going to be the type of experience they possess. In such, I now know that all of me will be saved within the personal experience, and the world can go to hell. It was not something I tried to do from the start, or ever really believed to be my goal, but in the protection of my own world during the summer, right after quitting my job, the world seemed to be treating anything that held my sense of time still, and I wanted to bring myself back to someplace safe away from the mess of criss-crossing thoughts of elevated honor.

      In a state of fear for the things that are important I decided to take my enemies on a journey, one which would last all of their lives and beyond. In such, I time traveled them through all of the world in the now and future, letting them choose the perfect fate for themselves, but at the end, after seeing the light, they reached themselves in the present moment again. The cruel fate is that they could be living an illusion in the future, for who knows what people’s spirit will be calling for in that state of the future. The fate of the future is undetermined for all by my few enemies. They, instead are stuck in an illusion and a path they cannot change for they already saw the light at the end of the tunnel as some might say. The cruel part of this is that God decided for these people to keep the memories, so instead of living this perfect existence perfectly planned in a safe outcome, they know all of their thoughts and actions for the rest of their time, laughing in a saddened and defeated tone, knowing the insanity of the power of time and free will. My friend, always saying that life only allows one path clearly saw his fallacy in the nature of his game, but will probably never understand the fallacy in his own thinking while I live my life in peace. This only brings me a little closer to the safe place in which I am looking for, finding things important.

Inside of such a place, I found only consulate in myself, and nothing in the world in this modern post modern era thinking. One may thing that the artists retreat like they did before into the sanctities of normal existence among the general population where skills are treasured and life is simple in its solitude from the outside threat of time. However, we are never growing younger, so it is clear to say that time now is my only enemy.
       Well, this is not entirely in truth because I can lay out a few more enemies of mine. One is the power that people to think that it is for entertainment to flip the issue of speech in order to cause different effects within the population. The type of knowledge I respect can stand alone on the battlefield and mean the same thing to both the supporters and those who are not. Another aspect within the world today in its screaming ecstasy is the fact that everyone feels find thinking that they get along with everyone. While this type of utopia may seem nice to everyone, it only outcasts, much like in the olden day where he who changes with every moment satisfies the need of safety and assurance for that they are doing the things correctly. Of course, God in his omnipotence allows this to occur and eggs it on like any other person in order for the world to learn from its own mistakes in time. In the moment, it may feel like I am the loser, one where the holder of the short stick does not exist because there is no chance in the matter.
      In such a world, the only condolence I have knows that people whom do not follow or share my sentiment do not consume my world, only occupy it. Instead, I know that my change will never have negative outcomes, and only instead cause more time for growth. Within this field of emotion, one finds oneself subject to the many weary tempest of the beat of the center of knowledge.
      My emotions are solid in the state that they do not require others in order to have meaning or emotion. And in such, I still have the potential do become a part of the world where I like. And, as I go through this thought process, I am brought back to the idea that I had the choice, and was held by one to go back in time to change my aspects in order to help the world collide with my belief and better my world with my own experience in a way that would change the world for better outcome. All I can say now is that the reality is solid, and the emotions were justified in their extent, and to change that would bring illusion to my life and collide with the spirits of other people in the time space change. With this accepted, now the only thing that will bring respect in the eyes of the people surrounding, in the world of truth, separated from the illusion, and the real extent of all decisions and actions, is to bring myself to a level of total self respect so as to not allow the world to continue to bagger me.

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Creative Writing by: RDK
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copyrighted October 11, 2008 RDK