The Self and I (Ross Kelly: Penname Dragon)

      A smart eyed little blonde woman enviously eyed the pair of young men down as they drove in the green sports car down the road.

      One looked at the other lovingly, then at the woman, giving her a wide eyed stare. The other, behind the wheel gave the woman a casual glance through the mirror, then snuck a look out the rear window, sighing as he looked at the first brother in the front seat. He said to himself, “One day, I’ll only be busy with what interests me.”

The other looked up and thought it through, saying back, “I am busy with what interests me, but it’s so far off in the future. That’s why I keep important things around me. Besides, I have a girlfriend.”

      The two drove off comfortably, as the first brother gave a sigh of relief and with a grinned smile, thinking the conversation through.


      The two brothers looked the same down to the last hair on each of his own face. They were slender with hard jaws yet with flexible expressions which showed a sense of liveliness. One kept a little hint of smile while the other slightly mocked the world, rolling his eyes at people then grimacing at their stares of reaction.

      Together though, the joke always seemed to be on the world as they relayed quick messages back and forth with which seemed to be whispers. One would always talk of utter defeat and longing for that pretty object which seemed to just out of reach. The other was content to his death, talking about all that he has acquired, like a new diamond or tremendous computer processor along with his new car.

      Two brothers of their stature could only hold such a treasure, examine it, then pass it back to the world, where the rightful owner would inspect it to ensure its safety. They could not take everything that pleased them in the moment. Instead they would look then return it with a single pat to ensure its transfer. Still, they would always remark at the same time of their shared triumph over the small keepsake which was, for the fleeting moment, theirs of possession.

Nevertheless, one would never see them act with desire to steal, for their desired possessions were already in their possession. No matter how their treasures compared to anything else, they respected them letting them shine brightly.

      The small pocket of air they shared was picking up the breeze into a small storm which would always move anything in the world to their pleased faces, dumbstruck with a sense of pure fortune produced by the atmosphere into which they had been pulled.

      They looked so awake, yet one always held a hint of exhaustion which seemed beyond the grasp of the world. Together they seemed to compliment everything the other did, adding a little spark which seemed pleasing to the two young men. I was a rare sight to see one of them alone, solitary.

      They were young that it was a wonder that they seemed to keep going on about their business at such a rate. It seemed that the two were so determined and steadfast in their paths that the whole world could not delay their actions and ambitions. However, one day, a fragile prick may derail such a full-hearted effort of life.


      Together they were beautiful, and the world seemed so too. It unraveled to their desires, leaving them content.


      He lay in bed, eyes closed, following the little images slowly morphing into the world that was spread out before him in his waking life. So many loose ends would come into view, then become filed away in rows which seemed to lead nowhere at the moment. His friends, even, were hazy through misinterpreted conversation, and words which he had hesitated to say and ask. There was so much left to do before he could consider his world to be safe and concrete enough to push forward unyielding. If only he could snap his fingers and have the momentary chores done away with, complete without regret. It would make the day bright to where he could unleash the ties behind his serious and rigid face. He would be able to move without worry. The tasks ahead would be clear without question as to the right path to take from then on. It would simply be a matter of pursuing that which kindled his interest, and let him produce the work to add to his personal stage. The audience would instantly see him for his work and know how to judge him.

      This simply had to be the best way to live. Could the world turn their back on such a naked splendor of which he had dedicated himself to? If he could only see himself for such things, he would surely agree that there would be no place in his world, in the world for rejection of such work. Yet, where would he have room for those who could not accept his work for something of value. Would his dream be crushed instantly to the degree at which people found importance in his work? Surely everyone values the array of the world differently, so perhaps it would lay itself out before him, with everything in its place. That which he held dear would be close, and that which he had not experienced would be far outstretched, away from his accessible reach. He would move toward the good, and let his world become complex as he moved through it. He wondered if such movement through this life would be possible, for surely something that is satisfying would never grow old. His dreams started to form, but they always left him one piece short of the answer, plaguing his mind with the question until he awoke. The hope that both the sleeping and waking worlds could satisfy him was his only question, and only quest ahead of him.

      What kept him from living the way he imagined life to be? There was an emptiness inside him which allowed the twisting of self doubt and importance to work its way around the inside of his consciousness, slowly moving then spreading to different regions of his thought.

      However, the final internal decision was made. There was something to love in this world to which he had been exposed, and could not stop from obsessing over. The reality in which he found himself had become a fond realization which was the only necessary medium in which to pursue that which baffled yet set him free to chase.

      The answer in his mind was not within itself, but outside. The answer, perhaps, was in the collective minds of those living and walking the earth. A steady reason must be present in order for this world to will itself into reality. There has to be more than the unsatisfactory reasoning which leads us astray in the real world. If only he could internalize all which was thought out there, he would know a place, and would be able to determine the correct method of action of which he should take.


      I sat alone in a chair, trying to grasp the feeling which had escaped me the night before. Somewhere, I had found reason to love the world. A comfort beyond that of all other solace was right before my very own eyes. Together, I was able to see my success after all the striving of which I had done. Together, the world seemed grateful for my experience, and looked warmly with a sense of desire for my presence.

      I rolled over, feeling alertness about me. I could certainly wake up now, but a few more hours of freedom seemed so enticing within the bed. Instead of giving in to temptations, I stood up and pulled on a pair of navy jeans and put on my hat, backwards. I sat down at my desk, and eyed my work, deciding to crunch a few numbers before breakfast. It was going to be a long week before I could load the ship for the departure. The galaxy seemed so inviting, yet left so much to be considered in order to properly prepare for any complications. The crew was assembled of two very close companions, and me.


      All I need is a house, a friend, my wife, and a job. Where ever my work takes me, I will be satisfied knowing the rest are a given.

      Oct 2007 copywrited Written by Ross Kelly

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copyrighted October 11, 2008 RDK